Hmmm...

Dear XXXXX,

I'm glad we met today...

Although it wasn't quite the happy ending I imagined..but it felt good to be seeing U again...

U look great...and I wanted to tell U this..but it didn't come out of my mouth for so obvious reasons...I missed you so much!

Being with U just now almost felt like the good old days...I'm thankful for that...

I wish that the night would not flyby so fast...and I wished we hadn't had that complicated "crap" just now...The night would have been PERFECT! It still is...but it could have been better...

Tonite..I'll think of U like I always do...and hope to see U again soon...

~End~

& why the heck am I still crying all by myself whenever I think of all this...because my love for U is somewhat impossible and exists only in my own fantasy world......he will still belong to somebody else...and me? I'm just alone...GAME OVER FARAH! U lose..... =(

Can't focus

I am a bit lost here and there as u could imagine..

For my open house which was on the same day he had his big event..a lot of ppl came to me and asked "Are U ok?" I bet it really did show on face that I was unhappy...I even fell into the drain..for God's sake! Injured my leg a bit..but worse of all..my heart was hurt...badly...

Still wondering what he is up to...what he is doing now with the other person...is he happy? I constantly feel so lonely whenever I think of all this..and its not easy going thru every single day when U have to fight with ur own emotions..why can't some ppl just understand that...

Some ppl in my family think that I am way too emotional and some even started to make fun of me! Try putting urself in my shoes and let's see how well u can do...But I don't care what U guys think of me..I believe in letting out all my emotions..coz I know..if I keep it all insides..one day I will explode..now U tell me..which is better? Annoying sobbing crying now...or angry volcano erruption later? That's right..U know the answer..

Anyway..Whatever I am going to write down later in my blog post..is meant for me to release all of my stress and I hope if there is anybody reading them..if u intend to advise me..good..but don't push it to go "all-blaming-on-me"..it may be the right thing to do..but plz..give me some space..

My mind is lingering on Tuesday evening..he will be back in KL..feel like meeting up to hear the news from the man himself...plus..I already kind of miss him..He made a promise to me..and I know he will keep his promise and wouldn't dissapoint me..

As for now..I got tons & tons of work to do..on a public holiday! Yea..I know I shud be relaxing..(which I did) but must get my lazy ass to finish up this work soon in order for me to enjoy the rest of the week pleasantly...

*Angin..sampaikan rinduku padanya...I miss U...*

Devastated

25 October 2008

I heard the event was good...I heard it all went well..I heard U looked happy..Of course U are..Good for U...I bet U looked like a very handsome prince..I'm glad U enjoyed Ur big day...How lucky... *Sigh*

Oh wait...did U think of me? Did I cross Ur mind for a while? I hope so..I really hope so..
I miss U...so much...I hope this is not Goodbye...

I Love U.. *CRY*

Gudnite to u my prince

Thanks for the card..

Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to attend your big day...not that I don't want to..but u'r right..and ur friends were right..I would just cry and make a fool of myself..I don't want to ruin your big day and become the silly Julia Roberts in that movie My best friend's wedding.. :(

I am hurting myself more now...It's been ages and the feeling still won't go away...How am I going to survive the days to come? Arghhh...its so tiring...! Its so tiring to keep on telling myself that I would be OK...time will heal things...what if I'm not OK? What if I end up feeling sad for the rest of my life? Gosshh!! That's so sad and scary!

...I'm so lost without u....

10 days left

I have 10 days left...plus minus the days that I actually get to see u..sigh...such a short period..I shouldn't even been counting..but sadly I am.. :(

I wish...oh..how I wish....I was the one...to end up with u....

Ok2...the right way should be...I wish...for ur happiness..even tho its not with me...As long as ur happy...guess that should make me happy too....

*Cry*..... I can't do this...

Slim ke? Heheheh...

Hi Everyone..

Still on raya break..thank God..leh lepak and rest2 lagi..huhu..

Raya was fun..even tho..2 days je balik kg..2nd day raya..all of us dah balik kl..some got work..some off to sambung holidays in KL pulak...as for me...it just means that I can spend more relaxing time at home =)

A bit of flashback on raya day..as usual..wake up early to go to masjid and sembahyang raya...then we had our lemang, nasi empit? (betul ke spelling), rendang, sambal...yum2...sebut je dah terliur rite? hehe...I didn't eat a lot..mebi bcoz already used to fasting..but still...enjoyed the raya delicacies..! Had our salam2 & maaf-maafan session..and of course..the giving and receiving of duit raya!...yezza...I still get duit raya hokeh..jgn jeles! hehe..

After that, we went to pose2 outside with tons and tons of camera that came out of no where..lol..it was raining a bit..but everyone still posed...(kan dah ckp..my familia ni sume suke berangan next top model..*lol)...people already started visiting our house during the photo session..and it continued the whole day..and finally we also went to visit other ppl's house for raya...a tiring but eventful day..yg pastinye seronok! :-)

That nite..it was the normal duduk dpn tv...tatau nak tgk cerita ape..(coz takde astro kat kg)..hahah..so chit chat with cousins..main2 dgn kucing..(oh..ye...forgot to mention..we brought our new kitty-chico...back to kampung..luckily she behaved in the car..) and last2..everyone tired..went off to sleep..

Next day..still got ppl visiting our house..I was already in my jeans and shirt..huhu..then mlm tu..sume pon dah siap2 nak balik kl...smpi kl...midnight...tdooo....Zzzz (-_-)

Today...I checked my facebook...and my friends commented I looked slim..betul ke? hehehe..berjaya gak la puasa ni menguruskan sket badanku..yahoo!! kena maintain ni..hehe..

Another madness that happened during few weeks before raya..is that I went shopping..and I overspend..uwaaa...tula..bagi lagi credit card kat angah..kan dah kepokaian..huuu...betul2 shopaholic la..mmg sah! huhu..abisla..pas raya ni kena jaga2 sket...takleh shopping nanti tak larat nak bayar...hentikanlah sementara keinginan mendapatkan barang2 kehendak ni...aduii... *moral of the story....bijaklah berbelanja! =P

All in all...best dapat cuti raya and spend time with everyone..even tho..ter-broke skejap! hehe...Kawan2 yg nak wat open house tu...don't forget to invite me yaa.... see ya when I see ya!

Thought in my mind : " Couldn't help thinking how nice it would be if I could spend raya with you..miss you so much.."