Wednesday, September 10, 2008

How do I feel ?

I did a really stupid thing yesterday. I met him for buka puasa..suppose to be a happy event...It went well the first hour after we break fast..then it turned ugly..I turned ugly! Huwaaa...now I regret it...no use crying over spilt milk eh? *sigh

All I want was some answers..but being me..plus not thinking straight at that point..I have to disagree with everything..I think I was trying to put all the blame on him and make him feel guilty..but in the end I ask myself...what for? He's still going to belong to someone else anyway! Its just a waste of time and energy..I have become more and more inconsiderate than I thought..what happen to me????

And for that, I pay the price..today he doesn't want to see me. He said..we'll just end up in another fight. I almost had to beg him to agree to see me tomorrow..sheesh! Talk about desperation! This weekend he is not in KL..so I'll be alone again..better get used to this..coz I'll be alone sooner than I think..well..alone meaning that I'm not with him la that is..


I don't even know if he still loves me anymore..this phase that we're going thru..all I can think of is he needs to concentrate on his new life..why would he care about me anymore? Oh crap...all this thinking is making me more tired and stress for no reason..worse still..its effecting my work!

A friend suggested to do sembahyang istiqarah..let God help me decide what to do..I guess I will have to do that...keep on praying and doa too..and hopefully I can see things clearly again...I really2 put myself into a big mess this time..and its too late to turn back.. *Cry


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